Monday, October 26, 2009

Snaggles and Snickets


I am not a fixit type person. I like things that operate correctly all of the time. When something goes awry with anything I feel it is a personal afront and an attack on my sanctity. HOWEVER, when I am faced with fixing something - I generally have to improvise with tools and equipment. As a former Jewish American princess, I was never given tools for my birthday or other holidays. I did not have my own tool box until I was abut 50 - and then I had to deem it off limits to the male beings in my life. Because they never put things away!

Said male beings seem to always want exactly the correct tool for the job. I remember once I was attempting to install a molly bolt (cute isn't it - the way they name things with girl's names) in the ceiling so I could hang a rather heavy plant. EVEN I know I had to have an anchor stronger than a normal cup hook. So, without a drill bit I proceeded to attack the ceiling with a sharp pair of scissors. First I had made a small hole with a hammer and nail. Then I wedged the tip of the scissors in the hole and turned and pushed - creating a larger hole. Large enough, in fact, to insert the toggle bolt - which goes in closed up and then you screw in a double ended screw which allows the "wings" on Molly to open. These open wings makes a nice landing pad and a large enough area to bear weight without ripping the ceiling open. You then screw the hook end to the open end of the two ended screw and voila - you have a hook securely anchored to the ceiling.

While I was doing all of this - my partner John had run off to the factory to get his electric drill and a large enough drill bit to create the appropriate hole in the ceiling. When he returned home and saw that I had finished the project he was a bit dejected that his knight in shining armor routine hadn't worked - and then proceeded to tell me that i could have knocked out the entire ceiling, fallen to my death (this particular partof the ceiling was directly over the bathtub and I had perched on the edge of the counter on tippy toe to reach the part of the ceiling I needed), and he was sure the Molly hadn't opened properly. However, after unscrewing the hook and checking everything out - he concluded that I had, in fact, done a terrific job. Without the proper tools.

I finally had to explain to him that my life has been a series of chewing gum, bailing wire, hair pin and duct tape tools.

So, this weekend, when we needed to repair some lines in our drip system - it was no surprise to John when I appeared with "interesting" tools. He may say drill press and band saw but I say snaggles and snickets.

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